For centuries mankind has envied pizza dough and wondered how we too could be kneaded to relaxed, savory states without paying for the luxury of being escorted via wooden paddle to a Sicilian brick oven. Lose the pizza envy with today's Groupon: for $35, you get a 90-minute massage of your choice (a $64 value) at Massage Harmony's Randall’s Shopping Center or West Gate Shopping Center location.

Massage Harmony has a honeycomb-like lair with soothing rooms designed to transport you into the blissful natural state normally achieved by babies and Koosh balls dressed as babies. Step into an airy, tranquil lounge and let a friendly therapist treat you to the touch of one of the following massages:

• Swedish: A Swedish knead is the most popular type of massage. Melt muscles like beeswax, erase tension, improve blood flow, and awaken the lymphatic system.
• Deep Tissue: Give your body a break and surrender to an hour of deliberate strokes and direct muscle-grain pressure.
• Sports Massage: If you’ve been pounding the pavement in preparation for a marathon or enduring rigorous training, recharge with this massage, designed to enhance endurance and reduce recovery time.
• Acupressure or Shiatsu: A needle-less way to reap the benefits of Chinese acupuncture by awakening the body’s energy meridians.
• Reflexology Massage: The average person takes 3,000 to 5,000 steps a day. De-stress your soles with this foot-focused treatment, designed to ease pain and encourage relaxation.
• Pregnancy Massage: Massage away the back pain that stems from carrying around a person in your body.
• Ashiatsu Bar Therapy: A lithe therapist will spritely frolic across your back, dotting your spine with luxurious footprints of relaxation.

Massage Harmony is open until 9 p.m. seven days a week (although this Groupon cannot be used on Saturdays), making it ever-convenient to recharge after a long workday, relax after the weekend, or detoxify after the weekend to revive yourself for the week. If you're too busy to shop for friends and family for Surprise Day, give up to four people the gracious gift of corrective touch. Appointments are required.